GASP! Spring European Tour
March 14th, 2025
ALURT! I am taking my new show, GASP!, the third opera from my series Shadow, on a European tour this April and May. This show is the compendium to my new record, respite ∞ levity for the nameless ghost in crisis, which came out a few weeks ago on RVNG Intl. This theatrical live show will feature music from the record and call forward a local XOIR in each city to join me onstage alongside a special guest or two. Want to join me for one of the shows? Email the word GASP! + city name to colinself@pm.me.
Time marches on, as Agosto Machado says. I’ve felt a starkly different momentum in the last few months upon arriving in New York and beginning to prepare for this live show. I am doing my best to avoid the words “despite” and “busy” when describing the conditions of making meaningful experiences, living and drawing dates into the calendar in the months ahead. Instead, I let the timeline unfold. Within this timeline, I am very active. Releasing an album is like an incantation for action. One of life’s greatest joys, for me, is the pathway to aliveness.
My morning routine often comes back to a few integral items, but one of them is saying aloud upon waking, “I welcome heaven on earth today for myself and everyone I come in contact with.” I don’t know where I picked this up, but that shit works. A bad day, illness, financial woes, and physical pain are met with a solidarity with others experiencing these feelings. All paths of effort push me toward a periphery of equanimity.
Equanimity is defined as the evenness of mind; that calm temper or firmness of mind which is not easily elated or depressed; patience; calmness; composure. Can I grieve atrocities and feel unwell in their presence, but move through them without letting them annihilate me? Can I stay open and curious in the face of collapse, spiritual bankruptcy, and suffering, incorporating the struggle as vital information to be incorporated into the process? Isn’t this journey of crisis and seeking guidance what my record was about?
New Orleans is where I go to fill my cup. I refer to carnival (the weeks of events leading into Mardi Gras) as the “spirit conference” because that is always what it has been for me. At the end of the St. Anne parade, I, along with several others, honor those lives lost in the last year. I wear ribbons to celebrate friends and the nameless ghosts that have passed through and give myself time to sing and cry and laugh with others on the banks of the Mississippi river. So many reasons this year to sing and laugh and cry.
So much is going on at the moment. I am doing my best to keep track of all the things I am doing, so bear with me. I created a compendium NTS mix for Lyra Pramuk’s Pop Soil, which has been archived here:
I interviewed with Butt Magazine where I talked about my gay fantasy life and community. I did a few record release events and have one more coming up in New York: a XOIR session March 19th loosely based around the music of the album:
Earlier this week I had a phenomenal reading with Angeliska Polacheck (aka Sister Temperance), an intuitive and arguably the most clear-minded and eloquent tarot readers I’ve ever met. Spending time with her is kind of like that experience of getting fitted for a glasses prescription. Little plates of glass flip and turn in my mind and soul until, suddenly, the expanse of time ahead of me feels crystal clear. To quote Bjork’s Stonemilker, “Moments of clarity are so rare, I better document this. At last, the view is fierce…”
I’m doing what I can to protect my time and protect my heart. Yes, I pray! I visit my altar every day, pull an angel card and tarot card. Today we have “compassion” and The World (reversed). I interpret the two as a suggestion to have compassion for myself amidst a cycle of difficult changes. I have a great deal of uncertainty for the next few months; I am getting kicked out of my apartment in Berlin at the end of April and don’t know where I will live— I cant exactly afford to move into a new place with all my stuff and don’t have any euro work til September. Planning and negotiating a tour with other performers amidst global catastrophe is no small feat, and with the way the world is going, I wonder if borders will close or become too tenuous to traverse. I can pray for safe travels and financial stability, but also surrender to the world being what it is, taking life one week at a time.
If you are in New York, i would love to see you the night of the 19th for XOIR, otherwise, I will be stateside again this June for Dripping Festival with my collaborator Monica Mirabile, which I am very much looking forward to. Look at this LINEUP!!???
Currently Reading:
DEEP LISTENING: MY ALBUM!
Love,
Colin Self
There’s something deeply grounding about how you move through uncertainty. The way you describe navigating change—whether it’s being uprooted from Berlin, planning a tour amid global instability, or simply pulling a tarot card each morning—feels like an act of trust, of being in conversation with the unknown rather than trying to wrestle it into submission.
I resonate with the idea of equanimity as something active rather than passive. Holding grief, joy, and the weight of the world without letting any single one consume you is no small thing. And yet, in the midst of it all, there’s music, movement, and ritual—like stepping stones through the chaos. Wishing you safe travels and all the right doors opening at the right time.
oooh want to hear your thoughts on everything for everyone. that one stuck with me!